A Family Freak Show Funeral

 

 

It has now been one month since my sweet Father passed away...I still miss him terribly, but enough time has since passed that I can tell you about our Family Freak Show Funeral...

From the start, it was obvious that my crazy mother had been planning my father's funeral for years.   Much like young girls plan their "dream wedding".  But who plans a "Dream Funeral"--and for SOMEONE ELSE?!  (Is it just me--or is that seriously creepy?! )




The Freak Show proceeded as usual.  "Creepy" was quickly replaced by "Crazy" when we arrived at the funeral home.  Mother had chosen quite a few old photos for a slide show tribute--which sounds innocent enough, doesn't it?  Trouble was, most of the snapshots featured a much younger Mom, smiling and flaunting her cleavage in various bathing suits.  (At this point, the Freak Show was starting to look like a Peep Show.)  Where was my poor Father in all these photos?   Usually somewhere in the background.  For the next two hours, the slideshow played on and on...Siobhan blushed, I rolled my eyes, Saphrona snickered, Liam was oblivious, and Eamon the Pervert Mama's Boy beamed with pride.  But then, he's "not right" anyway.





Things were just as strange the following day at the funeral...It began when Mother insisted that we all meet at her house and ride to the funeral together in the funeral home's rented limo.  Saphrona dug her heels in and refused to ride in the " Death Car", and a huge fight ensued.

 Mother won.  Grumbling, Saphrona took an extra muscle relaxer to tide her over, and we dashed through the pouring rain to the car.  Which turned out to be a Stretch Limo, causing Saphrona to snort loudly and say "Oh, great!  The "death car" is a PARTY CAR!"  Elbow in her ribs.  "SOMEbody must think we're going to a party--how damn ridiculous can She be?!"  Siobhan turned to the window and tried desperately not to laugh; I gave my sister another elbow in her ribs.




Apparently the muscle relaxers heightened Saphrona's sense of awareness, because suddenly she realized Mother had over-booked--there were more Freaks standing around, getting wet in the drive, than there were seats in the car.  Hmmm.  Now the Freak Show was threatening to turn into a circus--soggy Freaks stuffed in a limo, silly clowns stuffed in a clown car...not much difference, really. (Similar nose, similar clothes.)





We managed to sort out the seating dilemma, putting elderly Uncle William up front with the limo driver.  Uncle William is a certified Freak himself; his latest hobby is shuffling around, photographing old tombstones.   On the way to the funeral, he turned to the driver and asked, "Go to many cemeteries?" Total silence ensued.  (Really, Uncle Will?  The guy works for a FUNERAL HOME.)

Miracle of all miracles, we arrived safely and on time--even though the rain was still coming down in torrents. We all managed to wade to the church steps, where we were handed  the customary funeral service bulletins...but wait!  I couldn't believe my eyes--there on the cover was my parents' Wedding Picture.  (My father died--not their marriage.  According to Mother, THAT died years ago.)  She just HAD to get in the picture, didn't she?! What the hell is it with Mother and photographs?!




The funeral service was short and bitter-sweet.. Mother never cried;. Saphrona, Siobhan, and I did. When the service ended, the Extended Freak Show piled back in the pseudo-clown car for the ride to the grave site.  Did I mention it was RAINING?!  As we walked across the cemetery, poor Siobhan's heels kept sinking in the mud, causing her to lurch from side to side--like a drunkard on a ship-- grasping at fellow mourners like  damp black lifelines.  ("Oops!  Sorry!  Eek!  Sorry!")  All the while, rain water poured down both our backs from a huge umbrella some old gentleman thoughtfully tried--without success--to hold over our heads.



The wind continued to blow and the rain continued to fall throughout the graveside service.  Nonetheless, the military honors were done beautifully--especially the heart-breakingly sweet  sound of "Taps" piercing the rain...My father would have loved that..  




Finally all the umbrellas turned and started toward the drive.  As we sloshed across the cemetery, my mother was heard to complain, "WHY didn't they shoot the guns?  I thought they would shoot the guns!!" ( Good thing they didn't.  Ol' Eamon is a convicted felon, and he isn't supposed to be near a gun.  Ever.  Get a grip, Mother, before one of The Freaks goes all "postal" and shoots YOU!!)

And so ended another chapter in the Freak Show annals.  Until next time.

     




    

 

Even The Heavens Weep Today...

Even the heavens weep today...













Rest in Peace, Dearest Father.
We love you, Now and Forever.

IN Loving Memory Of My Father

My heart is heavy, my soul is weary, on this, the darkest day I have known...Today I lost my  Father.

Would that you could have known him!  My father was a  good man--kind and gentle, filled with compassion; a man with an easy manner, a quick intelligence, and a quiet confidence.  A man slow to anger, and quick to forgive.  Throughout my storm-filled  childhood, my sainted father was the rock I clung to in the wake of Mama's rages.  He was my comforter, my salvation, my  friend.       

My father in his younger years was a true jack-of-all trades; even now, I marvel at the scope of his abilities.  He could roof a house or repair a radiator with equal ease; he could paint walls or plow a field, cut the lawn or lay a tile floor.  He could fix an engine, bake a cake, build a barn, and throw a horseshoe.  He could repair TVs and radios.  There was nothing my father could not do; he was always my hero.

My father was a good provider and a generous man.  He worked two jobs for most of my childhood, so that we could have all that we needed and most of what we wanted.  Many times I saw him take the last two dollars from his wallet and hand it to a stranger in need.  He was a very giving man; he gave freely and from the heart.

 One of the best gifts I ever received came from my father, and it was the following advice:

"Never let anybody tell you that you can't do something because you're a girl.  You can learn to do anything you want,  if you want it bad enough.  You might not be the best at it--nobody can be the best at everything--but if you try hard enough and long enough, you can learn to do anything well. Everything you learn is yours forever--nobody can take that away from you; so learn all that you can!"        

My father was a wise man, and  I took his words to heart. I learned to draw and to sew, to do algebra and to diagram sentences.  I learned to saw and hammer and paint.  I learned to cook and to can, to farm and to fish, to ride a horse and to paddle a kayak. I learned to make baskets and to build barns, to cut lawns and to fix holes in radiators. Some of my knowledge came from books, some was acquired from strangers; the most important things were taught to me by my wonderful father.  I learned to love unconditionally.  I learned to laugh often, at life and at myself.  I learned to forgive the unforgivable.

 The ever-growing  tapestry of my life is woven with varied and vibrant colors; each thread is something I have read, or learned to do, or experienced  along the way.   My life has been so much richer, so much fuller than it might have been, had I not been given that advice.  And it came from the  greatest gift of all--my  Father.

Easter Greetings From Just2Gypsies And The Freak Show...

Easter Greetings!

WE'RE BAAAACK!



At this very moment, Siobhan and I are elbow-deep in our own Easter traditions--boiling and dying Easter eggs; filling candy baskets ( for each other and for Liam); eating Peeps and Peeps and more Peeps...
 I'm washing mine down with glasses (pleural) of  Dennis Vineyards Spring Muskadine Wine.  (You can order your own at:  www.dennisvineyards.com)


 Siobhan is washing hers down with multiple (also pleural) peep-tinis (recipe to follow).

Ingredients

1.5oz Sobieski Lemon Meringue Vodka

0.5oz white chocolate liqueur

1oz cream

sugar, for rim

Peep, for garnish

Directions

Dip rim of chilled martini glass into sugar to coat. Add Sobieski Lemon Meringue Vodka, white chocolate liquor and cream in a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake and strain into sugar coated martini glass. Garnish with a Peep and serve. Tip: you can cut a slit in the bottom of the Peep to help it stay on the rim of the glass!

The fact that Siobhan's recipe calls for marshmallow rabbits led to a lengthy discussion on Peeps.  Being the senior authority on Peep anatomy, type, genus, sub-genus, etc, I contend that only chick-shaped Peeps are true Peeps.  All the others--rabbits, jack-o-lanterns, and snowmen--are not legitimate Peeps, and are therefore Bastard Peeps. Siobhan obviously doesn't agree with this theory, as she is snorting with laughter, and Peep-tini is coming out her nose.  Regardless of my daughter's Spraying Fountain act, I assure you it's true-- all of the  non-chick peeps are commonly known as Little Bastards. These should always be eaten first, just to put them out of their misery.

As to Peep anatomy--they all have a bad case of Gone-Ass (flat bottoms), and no legs at all.  The least said, the better.




Another common Easter misconception concerns chocolate rabbits.  Most folks assume the ears are the best place to begin eating one.  Well, that is just Wrong.  The kindest way is to whack his entire head off with a meat cleaver, and after waiting 20-30 minutes, eat the whole thing.

As I look around our kitchen, I realize that all Easter candy is either an animal or an animal by-product (lambs, chicks, rabbits, eggs). Which kinda raises a whole new set of questions...What kind of candy do vegetarians put in their children's baskets? Do they have candy bean sprouts and marshmallow soy beans?  Chocolate tofu?   Do they dye their boiled potatoes? Hmmm...After a few more glasses of wine, I might call up a few and ask them.  Meanwhile...

Happy Easter!    


 

Just2Gypsies: Building A Gypsy Wagon Part 12 : Red Wagon Goes "Green"... (or-- Gypsies Go Solar...)

Winter has set in... With cold temperatures and inclement weather more often than not, outdoor work on the wagon has crept to a stand-still.  Even so, Siobhan and I have been busy...

We have been considering power options.  Everything we have used so far in our wagon is natural--all the building materials and furnishings are of wood, brass, copper, iron, cotton, wool, and clay. Even our walls are painted with all-natural milk paint.  All of the wagon's furnishings are antique--with the exception of our "antique icebox", which is really a compact refrigerator in disguise.  (Sorry, but a refrigerator is one modern luxury we couldn't do without!)

Even though we now need it,  it seems a shame to wire our wagon for modern electricity amidst all our lovely antiques... not to mention, the necessity of "hooking up" to an electrical source seems to tarnish the very freedom our wagon stands for.  So as a compromise, we have decided to use a small portable solar system as a power source for our wagon--and while it is certainly modern, at least it is semi-mobile, self-reliant, and green! (Hmmm..."green" gypsies!) 

We plan to use our solar power primarily to run the mini fridge and (6) 12volt reading lights. ( Doesn't  sound like much, does it? )  Now that winter had driven us indoors, it seems like a good  time to plan and buy the components for our system.  With a vague idea of what we want  (and no earthly idea how to build it) we begin...

Three books and much online research later, we were more confused than when we started!  At least, until I came across an archived 8 page post on rv solar systems @  chromolywally.com. If you're feeling a little confused about solar power systems in general, give his article a read. 



According to Wally, it's not that complicated.  In a nutshell, this is what we have do:

Buy some panels, a junction box, batteries and a solar charge controller, wiring, inverter, connectors, two kill switches and some fuses. Mount the panels wherever they’re going to go.  Mount the charge controller in our wagon, and put the batteries wherever they’re going. Wire batteries together. Then connect the batteries to the charge controller, with a kill switch and a fuse on the positive lead. Connect the solar panels together in a junction box with a fuse near the positive terminal of each solar panel.  Wire the solar panel junction box to the charge controller, adding a kill switch on the positive lead.  Sounds pretty straight-forward...

And Wally's diagram seems simple enough--right?  Easy cheesy.


At this point,

I know what you're thinking--

"Those damn gypsies are going to kill themselves, and burn their wagon to the ground." 

NOT!

This is just the basic plan, the mere tip of the iceberg...We have to decide how much power we need--how many solar panels, what size wire and combiner box, what size charge controller and inverter, how many and what size 12v batteries. Also, we have to buy fuses, breakers, and a system monitor. ( This is all covered in the rest of Chromolywally's series.) We are to use the following formulas to determine our power needs:

 amps x volts = watts
watts divided by volts = amps
watts divided by amps = volts
amps hours to be powered each day = ah




To begin with, we need to power a mini refrigerator and (6) 12v lights.  Our power usage calculations are as follows:
.

*Refrigerator-

1.5 amps x 120 v = 180 watts
180 w  / 120v = 1.5amps

runs in 4 min. cycles 4 times per hour for 16 min per hour

16 min x 24 hr a day =  384 min = 6.4 hrs total per day

6.4 hr x 180w = 1152w per day

 1.5 amps x 6.5 hr = 9.75 ah per day 

      

*Reading lights, (2) for each sleeping berth-

(4) 12 volt lights, one automotive incandescent bulb ( #1383) each-
                           1.5 watts x 4 = 6 watts
                          6w / 12volts = .5 amp   
                          .5 amps x 6 hr. = 3.0 amps = 3 ah per day
                               ** Average daily use (?) = 6 hrs **

                                6w x 6hr = 36 w per day

*Reading lights, (2) for Siobhan's reading nook (small bench by  wood stove)-

(2) 12v lights, 13w x 2 = 26w
      26w / 12v = 2.16 amps
      2.16amps x 1.5 hr = 3.25 ah per day
      (average daily use, 1.0 hrs.)
      26w x 1hr = 26w per day

**Inverter will use <2amps

 Charge controller will use <30mV**

***Est. total daily power needed =1152 +36 + 26 =1214 w,
                                                        9.75 ah + 3 ah + 3.25 ah = 16 ah



After comparing our power usage figures with several other bloggers, we decided to build our solar power system with the following components:

single axis solar tracker kit (expandable in case we want to add more solar panels)
(4) 100 watt solar panels, Renogy brand
60' 10 awg wire, 30' red/30' black (to go between panels and combiner box)
(4) 20 amp in-line fuses (1 per wire leading to combiner box)
(1) 4-string combiner box
50' 6 awg cable, 23' red/25' black (to go between combiner box and charge controller)
30 amp 6 awg fuse/in-line fuse
(1) 30 amp MPPT charge controller
20' 02 awg cable, 10' red/10' black (to go from charge controller to battery bank)
1000 amp 02 awg fuse/in-line fuse holder
(4) 6v 230 ah deep charge batteries for a combined voltage of 12v 460ah (enough that batteries         
      won't fall below 50% charged)
(1) 1500/3000 watt inverter
pk of (10) MC4 solar connectors


 Four and 1/2 hours of direct sun will produce 1800w of power from four 100w panels.          

( 400 x 4.5 =1800 )--so we're well under that with our estimated 1214w. 

Combined amperage of solar panels = 5.62 x 4 = 22.48 amps, within the 30 amp limit of the charge controller.

Batteries will store 460 ah of power.  (460a x 12v = 5520 w) .
 Our power requirements are: 1214w / 12v =101a  (w / v = a)

Our solar tracker runs on DC from our system, using <0.5 amps with no-load current, and 3 amps with maximum load current.
 Our pure sine wave inverter has 1500 watts continuous power and 3000 watts surge power; it has a no load current draw of <2 amps and is >90% efficiency rated.

   90% of 1500 = 1350w continuous
   90% of 3000 = 2700w surge/start-up

 

Fingers crossed and breath held, this should power our wagon--at least, on paper!  Stay Tuned--we'll let you know once it's hooked up...

·

        

 

                          



                       

Happy Valentine's Day From Just2Gypsies...

Siobhan and I both are mad for vintage valentine cards.  We eagerly buy any that catch our fancy.  We have a particular fondness for those featuring gypsies.  Or circuses.  Or horses.  Or dogs.  But especially gypsies!  Since tomorrow is Valentine's Day, we want to share a few a few of our favorites... 












 



 
 
 



 







































The last is not a true valentine; it isn't even a card.  It is the simple lyrics of a song, both sweet and sad.  The music that accompanies it is a hauntingly beautiful tune... 


The Gypsy's Song

A gypsy came to the castle gate
He sang so sweet and wild
And with his song he stole away
The Master's only child.

Oh, she cast away her silken gown
She cast away her pride
And ran with him into the night
Down to the sea so wild.

"Come home, come home, my bonny little  child
Come home again to me
Sit once more by your own fireside
With your head upon my knee."

"Oh, I'd rather live an hour here
Than seven long years with thee
And feel the salt spray on my cheek
And know that I am free."

She danced in the wind and she danced in the rain
On the edge of the cliffs and the shore
And she tasted the salt upon her cheek
And never came home no more.

                                            -author unknown
                                                                   



*******************************************************************************


                                                 BEST WISHES

                                                      FOR A

                       HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

                                                       from

                                           JUST 2 GYPSIES,

                                  GRAINNE AND SIOBHAN

Gran's Cookie Jar

Gran's cookie jar is a treasured memory from my childhood.  Throughout my early years, a succession of wood stoves marched without fanfare through Gran's kitchen--I barely noticed them.  From time to time, a new deal table would magically replace the old--vaguely memorable only as shiny chrome and shades of red, yellow, or blue...But in the heart of her small kitchen, one comforting constant remained for  62 years--Gran's cookie jar.

Gran's cookie jar was a sweet-faced brown cow--a bell around her neck, a kitten on her back.  Filled with Gran's scrumptious cookies...brown sugar peanut butter, crisp cinnamon snickerdoodles, chewy macaroons.  And in the hazy edges of my memory, Gran always hovers..."Would you like a cookie, chavi?"         







Gran's cookies were the ultimate in comfort food; her cookie jar, a childhood friend. But years later, I was to learn the bittersweet truth of that cookie jar--why it wasn't replaced when the cat's ear chipped and  the paint wore thin.  Why my Gran loved it so...



 My grandparents wed in 1931, in the time of the Great Depression.  Gramps was 19 at the time; Gran was 14 and an orphan.  Times were hard, and work was scarce.  Like everyone else at that time, they were poor--but Gran and Gramps were young, and their whole lives lay ahead; they were happy...



 Ten years and 4 children later, the Depression was over.  Now Gramps was farming by day, working in the cotton mill by night.  He managed to buy an old farm house, and in a few more years,  filled it with new furniture.  He bought a 2nd mule and a new plow.  He bought a used car and a new wringer-washer.  His family grew, and still they prospered.

 

  Like most survivors of the Great Depression, Gramps was frugal by nature.  And after years of going without necessities, it was hard for Gramps to spend money on luxuries--but one day he did.  Gramps bought himself a fancy shaving mug--complete with a little cake of soap, imported from England.  He bought Gran her heart's desire--the brown cow cookie jar she had looked at for months, along with 24 lbs of flour.   Life was good at last for Gran and Gramps...



In another 10 years, disaster struck.  Gran became ill, and without surgery, she would die.  The news was devastating, the outcome was grim.  They had little savings and no insurance. But Gramps' love for Gran  was so deep that he couldn't face life without her.  He sold his prized shaving mug.  He sold the mule and plow.  He sold the wringer-washer and the car.  He sold the furniture, piece by piece; when it was all gone, he sold the house...
  


Gramps rented a small cabin along the banks of Reedy Creek, and moved his family into it.  The cabin was little more than a shack, with a sagging roof and a rotting porch.  The curtains fluttered when the windows were closed.  The wind howled up beneath the floor boards and flapped the faded linoleum floor.  But none of that mattered now that Gran could have her surgery...Gran survived, and the family thrived-- with a patched roof overhead, home grown food on their table, and joy in their hearts.  And through it all, Gran's beloved cookie jar sat proudly in her kitchen.  In my heart, it sits there still...