Thanksgiving is a holiday celebrated in the U.S. on the 3rd Thursday of November. (Apparently our forefathers couldn't agree on an actual calendar date.) Early Pilgrim settlers held the first Thanksgiving feast to give thanks for having survived one year in a new land. They were mostly thankful for not perishing from starvation or disease, or being murdered in their sleep by the natives...(Later on, to show their gratitude, the settlers massacred the natives and took their land. Go figure.)
Over the years, Thanksgiving has evolved into a day of football games and televised parades, as well as the traditional stuff-yourself-feast with family and friends. Or in our case, The Freak Show...
Traditionally Siobhan and I host Thanksgiving dinner here at Just 2 Gypsies Farm. We do all of the cooking, but occasionally some of the Freak Show will volunteer to bring a casserole of some sort, or a dessert. Each year Siobhan and I take great pains to have the house and barn sparkling clean (Mama is a neat freak), and all the leaves raked from the back garden ( Saphrona chain-smokes). We even bathe our dogs!
Siobhan and I carefully plan our menu...We roast our turkey under a clean lard bucket in our garden; we bake herb and cornbread dressing in a cast iron skillet over the fire pit. We prepare the other dishes indoors--green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole, mashed potatoes, creamed corn; deviled eggs, cranberry salad, caramelized root vegetables, yeast rolls. Pumpkin pie, sweet potato pie, pecan pie; and for something a little different this year, two dozen specially made pumpkin and cream cheese cupcakes...
It is 11:55; Siobhan and I are right on schedule. The tables are set with sparkling china and silverware; Siobhan's fresh flowers and folded napkins add just the right touch. The side table and counter tops all groan with their load of food. The blend of aromas wafting from the kitchen is heavenly...
Now it's 12:00--High Noon---the time Mama decreed we should eat; everything is ready, and The Freak Show has not arrived yet. And so we wait...
At 12:07, Mama bustles in with my sweet father in tow. She is carrying an enormous box of cupcakes, beautifully decorated by a local bakery, and completely unexpected by the menu planners (Siobhan and me). As usual, Mama is complaining about the weather, the traffic, and how it's all my father's fault that she's late ( 7 minutes-- big deal.) Suddenly Mama spots Siobhan's cupcakes. "WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE CUPCAKES? NOBODY TOLD ME YOU WERE HAVING CUPCAKES!!" And Mama flounces angrily into the living room. Dad meekly follows. Siobhan makes room for Mama's cupcakes on the side table, and we all sit down. Again we wait...
At 12:12, Uncle Patrick and Aunt Leona come in; Aunt Leona is carrying a huge platter of cupcakes, supplied by her neighborhood bakery (again, totally unexpected by the menu planners!). Aunt Leona and Mama glare at the cupcakes and glare at each other; Mama immediately goes outside. Aunt Leona pouts; she and Uncle Patrick sit in silence. Siobhan looks around helplessly for a place to put the newest cupcakes; finally she gives up and sits them on the stove top. We continue to wait...
At 12:18, my extremely pregnant cousin Lavinia breezes in, her husband Julio and their two little boys in tow. She is breathless from hurrying, and apologetic for being late. She hands me a large white box with --you guessed it!--two dozen cupcakes inside. Speechless, I hand them to Siobhan...She doesn't even look at the kitchen. With a glazed look in her eye, Siobhan takes them directly to the laundry room and plops them down on top of the dryer.
At 12:20, my brother Eamon stomps in, with Mama hot on his heels. He hands me a bag of buns and 2 lbs. of ground beef. Puzzled, I ask "What is this for?" Freak Boy tells me that he's not in the mood for turkey; he brought uncooked ground beef so I could grill hamburgers for him. (Yep--you read that right. He brought it late, and he brought it for ME to grill!) Eamon heads for the TV, and Mama tells me "Don' t dare upset him! Go on and get out the grill--we can't eat until your sister gets here anyway!!" Then Mama marches off to sit with her pet Eamon , and they all continue waiting...
Meanwhile, Siobhan rolls her eyes and heads outside with a bag of charcoal. I meet her in the back garden, where we hastily build a fire that would make any arsonist proud. Ten minutes later, with the charcoal still blazing, we throw Eamon's slapped-together, misshapen hamburger patties on the grill. While the burgers are burning, Siobhan and I sit down and WE wait ...
It is now 12:45; Eamon's burgers are thoroughly blackened, and Siobhan and I are back in the kitchen. Now in dead silence we ALL wait...
It is 1:10, and miraculously Saphrona finally rolls in-- 1 hour and 10 minutes late, and making no apologies to anyone. She is dressed up like a dog's dinner in her turquoise leopard print sheer top, black lace camisole, and rhinestone-encrusted jeans with fringe from hip to ankle, and random placed holes. On her feet are glittery purple high-top tennis shoes with wedge heels; her purse is large enough to hide a pizza pan in, and is covered with guinea feathers. (I kid you not. Our dogs go wild and try to attack it...) A dozen gold bracelets hang on each arm, and more chains than I can count are around her neck. (Remember Mr. T?) Her black feather earrings don't look too bad--mostly because they blend in with her leopard-spotted black and blond hair...
When I can finally tear my eyes away from Saphrona's normal-for-her attire, I see that she is carrying a large paper bag, and is heading straight for me. With ominous forebodings I ask "what is this?" Saphrona replies "It's corn--I think it would be nice if you cook some for Thanksgiving dinner." (Again late, and again with the "YOU cook!") Saphrona is 56 years old...This is the first time she has ever brought food of any kind to a family gathering. Mama beams at her firstborn daughter, then harshly tells me to hurry up and cook the corn so Saphrona won't feel bad. Siobhan and I look in the bag, and the corn hasn't even been shucked...
By this time, dinner has been cooling for 1 hour and 18 minutes. Siobhan and I are starving, we have a roomful of hungry people not talking to each other, and my own patience is wearing thin. (That's putting it mildly--I feel like steam is coming from my ears!) I look at Siobhan, and see that she feels the same. So we defy Mama. We dig our heels in and absolutely refuse to shuck that damned corn. So much for manners. Forget "southern hospitality". We tell the Freak Show that dinner is served NOW--if you want any food, get to the table.
In single file, we fill our plates with now-cold food, and wait in line at the microwave. Finally we all sit down at the table and give thanks for our very late Thanksgiving dinner...Between bites, Mama and Aunt Leona glare at one another and alternately squawk at their husbands. Dad and Uncle Patrick keep their heads down and humbly take the abuse. Lavinia referees between her boys, and Julio wishes he was still in Puerto Rico. Eamon is dark as a thundercloud because his new girlfriend isn't here. Too bad she couldn't come; she would have fit right in with The Freak Show, being a midget and all. (Just kidding, folks--she's at least 4' 5".) My loony sister Saphrona is lit up like a Christmas tree, talking gibberish about God-knows-what as she pops a handful of pain pills into her mouth...(It may be mumbo-jumbo, but it sounds suspiciously like "I gotta find a way to scam me up some money!") We all pretend we didn't hear...
I look around the table at our strange assortment of relatives and I smile. With our Freak Show, I'm thankful that Thanksgiving only comes once a year. Siobhan looks around the table and she smiles. With our Freak Show gene pool, she's thankful she can even tie her shoes...
Happy Thanksgiving to you all. Cupcake, anyone?
Directions For Cooking Turkey In A Bucket
Select cook site: well away from flammable material, sheltered from steady wind.
Prepare cook site: Remove flammable ground cover and stones under or near planned fire location.
Prepare charcoal: Empty 10 lbs. of charcoal into a pyramid shaped pile and light. Let coals turn gray.
Prepare turkey: Rinse fresh or completely thawed turkey with water, and tie legs together with house string.
Prepare hickory wood stick: Drive stick into ground in center of prepared site. Leave top of stick high enough to just allow bucket to be lowered over stick.
Place aluminum foil: Unroll heavy duty aluminum foil on bare ground all around stick to form a 3' x 3' foil-covered square.
Impale turkey on hickory wood stick: Slip the turkey over the stick and down to the aluminum foil, with the narrow end ( rear of turkey) facing down.
Cover turkey and stick with plain steel bucket --no galvanizing or paint, no handles--lowering bucket until it rests on the foil.
Using a garden or fireplace shovel,carefully transfer hot gray charcoal briquets from pile to the turkey bucket. Place a layer 2 coals deep on top of bucket; mound remaining hot coals around the perimeter of the bucket at its base.
Cooking Times (approx. time for golden brown bird)- Standard Turkey, using 10 lbs. charcoal:
8 lb turkey = cook 1 hour 30 min.
10 lb. turkey = cook 1 hour 45 min.
12 lb. turkey = cook 2 hours 00 min.
14 lb. turkey = cook 2 hours 15 min.
*Increase cooking time for windy or very cold weather conditions. Block wind from cooking bucket with non-flammable material if needed.
DO NOT CHECK BIRD DURING COOKING PERIOD--IT'S STILL IN THERE, AND IT'S STILL OKAY.
Remove charcoal and ashes from bucket: Using shovel, carefully remove hot coals from bucket top and rake away from bucket sides.
Place clean strips of foil on top of used foil (just in case turkey is dropped!); have platter and two barbeque forks ready...
Remove bucket: Using two oven mitts, carefully lift bucket Straight Up and off of turkey.
Remove turkey from hickory wood stick: Gently insert barbeque forks into both sides of turkey; carefully remove turkey from stick and place on platter.
*Coals may remain hot for several hours; be safe-- douse them well with water,or monitor them responsibly.
ENJOY YOUR TURKEY IN A BUCKET!
Siobhan's Honey Roasted Caramelized Root Vegetables
1 1/2 c.carrots 1 Tbsp. olive oil
1 1/2 c. parsnips 1 tsp. fresh or dried rosemary, cut med/fine
1 1/2 c. turnips 1/2 c. honey
1 1/2 c. sweet potatoes 1 Tbsp.unsalted butter
1 1/2 c. sweet onions 1/2 tsp. salt
1 Tbsp. lemon juice 1/4 tsp. black pepper
*Preheat oven to 450 degrees.
*Wash all vegetables thoroughly; cut into uniform size pieces, and set aside.
* Coat a 9" x 13" pyrex dish with cooking spray or olive oil; set aside.
* In large bowl, mix olive oil, honey, melted butter, rosemary, and salt. Stir until blended.
* Add sliced root vegetables to olive oil mixture; stir gently to coat pieces.
* Transfer vegetables to 9" x 13" dish; pour remaining olive oil mixture evenly over vegetables.
* Place dish on center rack of oven, and bake at 450 deg. for 15 minutes.
* Remove dish from oven; stir vegetables and drizzle with additional honey.
* Return dish to oven and bake for 20 minutes more. Stir and enjoy!
Learn
to make these delicious caramelized vegetables. Experiment by using
sweet potato, turnip, butternut squash or any other root vegetable for a
sweet and satisfying side dish!
Ingredients:
2-3 carrots, washed and chopped into thick diagonals2-3 parsnips, washed and chopped into thick diagonals
1 daikon root, washed and cut into thick chunks
1 large onion, cut in thick chunks
2 tbsp olive oil
Sea salt
Black pepper
1 tbsp. fresh parsley, minced
Directions:
- Preheat oven to 375°.
- Place chopped roots into a large bowl and coat evenly with olive oil.
- Season with sea salt and freshly ground black pepper.
- Place roots into a 9×12 baking pan and cover tightly with aluminum foil.
- Roast roots, covered, for 35-40 minutes.
- Uncover and continue roasting 25-30 minutes or until roots caramelize (brown or lightly blacken).
- Use as a side dish and garnish with minced parsley.
Learn
to make these delicious caramelized vegetables. Experiment by using
sweet potato, turnip, butternut squash or any other root vegetable for a
sweet and satisfying side dish!
Ingredients:
2-3 carrots, washed and chopped into thick diagonals2-3 parsnips, washed and chopped into thick diagonals
1 daikon root, washed and cut into thick chunks
1 large onion, cut in thick chunks
2 tbsp olive oil
Sea salt
Black pepper
1 tbsp. fresh parsley, minced
Directions:
- Preheat oven to 375°.
- Place chopped roots into a large bowl and coat evenly with olive oil.
- Season with sea salt and freshly ground black pepper.
- Place roots into a 9×12 baking pan and cover tightly with aluminum foil.
- Roast roots, covered, for 35-40 minutes.
- Uncover and continue roasting 25-30 minutes or until roots caramelize (brown or lightly blacken).
- Use as a side dish and garnish with minced parsley.
