Sunday, December 25, 2016

12 Days Of Christmas / or...Grainne And The 'Possum


                                                               
 








                                                                                                          
On the 1st day of Christmas, my terrier gave to me
a 'possum in my persimmon tree.

On the 2nd day of Christmas, my husband gave to me
two shaky ladders and a 'possum in my persimmon tree.

On the 3rd day of Christmas, my daughter gave to me
3 wooden crutches, two shaky ladders, and a 'possum in my persimmon tree.






















On the 4th day of Christmas, my  neighbor gave to me
4 humane traps, 3 wooden crutches, two shaky ladders, and a 'possum in my persimmon tree

On the 5th day of Christmas, my daughter gave to me
5 finger splints, 4 humane traps, 3 wooden crutches,2 shaky ladders, and a 'possum in my persimmon tree.

On the 6th day of Christmas, my husband gave to me
6 rusty scaffolds, 5 finger splints, 4 humane traps, 3 wooden crutches, 2 shaky ladders,
and a 'possum in my persimmon tree.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my doctor gave to me
7 pain pills and a tetanus shot, 6 rusty scaffolds, 5 finger splints, 4  humane traps, 3 wooden crutches,
2 shaky ladders, and a 'possum in my persimmon tree.

 


















On the 8th day of Christmas, my daughter gave to me
 8 carabiners, 7 pain pills and a tetanus shot, 6 rusty scaffolds, 5 finger splints, 4 humane traps, 3 wooden crutches, 2 shaky ladders, and a 'possum in my persimmon tree.

On the 9th day of Christmas, my husband gave to me
9 yards of rope, 8 carabiners, 7 pain pills and a tetanus shot, 6 rusty scaffolds, 5 finger splints, 4 humane traps, 3 wooden crutches, 2 shaky ladders, and a 'possum in my persimmon tree.

On the 10th day of Christmas, an EMT gave to me
a 10-mile ride to the ER, 9 yards of rope, 8 carabiners, 7 pain pills and a tetanus shot, 6 rusty scaffolds, 5 finger splints, 4 humane traps, 3 wooden crutches, 2 shaky ladders, and a 'possum in my persimmon tree.

On the 11th day of Christmas, my doctor gave to me
11 more pain pills and 2 casts, a 10-mile ride to the ER, 9 yards of rope, 8 carabiners, 7 pain pills and a tetanus shot, 6 rusty scaffolds, 5 finger splints, 4 humane traps, 3 wooden crutches, 2 shaky ladders, and a 'possum in my persimmon tree.














On the 12th day of Christmas, my daughter gave to me
a 12-gauge shotgun, 11 more pain pills and 2 casts, a 10-mile ride to the ER, 9 yards of rope, 8 carabiners, 7 pain pills and a tetanus shot, 6 rusty scaffolds, 5 finger splints, 4 humane traps, 3 wooden crutches, 2 shaky ladders, and a 'possum in my persimmon tree.

  On Christmas Day I gave the 'possum a very nice funeral**, and my family a big persimmon pie.













**No 'possums were actually injured in the above tale--I shot and missed, and the 'possum died laughing...

Merry Christmas To All!

GRANNY'S RECIPE FOR PERSIMMON PIE

9 inch single pie crust
3 eggs
2 c. persimmon puree
1/2 c. packed brown sugar
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. ginger
1/4 tsp. cloves
1 lg. can evaporated milk
1/2 tsp. salt 
 Beat eggs, add puree, sugar, cinnamon, ginger, salt, cloves and milk. Beat to blend thoroughly. Pour into pastry.Bake on lowest rack at 425 degrees for 15 minutes. Reduce temperature to 350 degrees and bake until pie looks set, but jiggles slightly in center...about 45 minutes. Cool to room temperature.   Serve with fresh whipped cream, and enjoy!


































































Goodbye, Elf!



Christmas Day at last !
Good tidings of great cheer...
 That rotten Elf can vanish
for another whole year...
Ahh--do you hear it?!!   Peace and quiet...

Saturday, December 24, 2016

Christmas Cooking With Siobhan...

                                   
                                        


First let me say that Siobhan is an excellent cook--a veritable master at gleaning bits and pieces from different recipes, and combining them for truly  mouth-watering dishes.  She works side-by-side with me in the kitchen daily, sharing tasks and chatting all the while. That being said, Siobhan has the heart and soul of a vegetarian--but one that is still in the closet and still in denial...

 Let me say that we have never eaten our own chickens (ours do tricks and play pianos--remember?!)  I heartily agree with Siobhan on that... And I don't mind that ALL the meat that we consume comes straight from a store.  But in our house,even that isn't enough.   With Siobhan, our meat can't even remotely resemble the animal it came from. And that's where it get's tricky...

               


 No Cornish hens, no duck, no quail.  No whole chickens for us!  Not even wings or drumsticks-- only boneless skinless chicken breasts are allowed.  Our only poultry exception is a turkey at Thanksgiving--and Liam has to de-bone and carve it outdoors, so that it reaches the table as nothing more than a platter of meat.  Well, he doesn't exactly Have To take the turkey outside...but believe me, it's a whole lot easier if he does!

            



We don't fare much better with beef.  Granted, a roast doesn't resemble any family pets, but there is still blood and fat and bone involved. Whenever I can, I try to spare her from the gory parts...and poor Siobhan soldiers on.  But sometimes I forget...

Such was the case with Christmas Eve dinner this year.  As I was hobbling around the house with a gamey leg, Siobhan offered to prepare and cook the Beef Wellington.  I was to advise from the sidelines, with a wine glass in hand and my foot on a pillow.  Sounds nice, doesn't it?  Too bad it never happened...

Instead, I watched Siobhan open the refrigerator door, remove a vacuum-packed 3 1/2 lb beef tenderloin and plop it onto a cutting board by the sink.  So far, so good.   Then she said "Oh, Mum...there's an awful lot of blood on this!"  followed by "I feel  dizzy--I think I'd better lie down..." and she sank to the floor.

Trying hard not to laugh, I said "Come on, Siobhan...I'm pretty sure meat can't make you dizzy.  Roll over and face the other room, and I'll open the package and rinse it off.  And trim the fat off.  You can jump in and take  over whenever you feel up to it!""

I heard a faint mumble from the floor..."I can slap on the mustard and mushrooms, as long as I don't have to touch that thing.  And I can help with the phyllo if you'll do that other meat ( prosciutto)."  So that is how we made our holiday dinner today-- Siobhan and I taking turns, alternating with me hobbling around the kitchen, Siobhan prostrate on the floor, and Liam quietly chuckling from the sidelines.

As usual, our family is a Freak Show--but we live in a House of Laughter...and I think that's Grand!

Happy Christmas Eve!

--Grainne







        

Christmas Eve Is Finally Here...



Christmas Eve is finally here,
and I can stand no more...
I just found a "gift" from Elf
in a dresser drawer...

 Dying!:


Friday, December 23, 2016

1 Day Before Christmas...



1 Day Before Christmas,
 and what do you think?
We found Elf drunk
by the kitchen sink...


Thursday, December 22, 2016

2 Days Before Christmas...



2 Days Before Christmas,
pretty as you please...
Elf dropped his knickers
below his knobby knees!

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

3 Days Before Christmas...



3 Days Before Christmas,
great--another chore!
Cleaning Elf's snow angels
off the kitchen floor...

 

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

4 Days Before Christmas...



5 4 Days Before Christmas,
please bring me a beer--
I just found Elf swinging
 from a chandelier...

 

Monday, December 19, 2016

5 Days Before Christmas...



6 5 Days Before Christmas,
I feel a little Stress...
Why is Elf wearing
 Barbie's favorite dress?

 

Sunday, December 18, 2016

6 Days Before Christmas...



7 6 Days Before Christmas,
just for fun,
Elf shot out our Christmas lights
with the Nut Cracker's gun...

 

*Vote for Elf Gun Control!

Saturday, December 17, 2016

7 Days Before Christmas...



8 7 Days Before Christmas,
in horror and dread,
we found Elf smoking
in his tissue box bed...

 















Friday, December 16, 2016

8 Days Before Christmas...



9 8 Days Before Christmas,
 not sooner or later--
 Elf rolled our house
with toilet paper...

Thursday, December 15, 2016

9 Days Before Christmas...



10 9 Days Before Christmas,
our patience wears thin--
Elf gave us mustaches
with a permanent pen...

 

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

10 Days Before Christmas...



11 10 Days Before Christmas,
 you'll never guess!
We caught Elf looking
up a fox's dress...
(the little jerk!)

 

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

11 Days Before Christmas...



12 11 days before Christmas,
by one hand and one knee
that crazy Elf dangled
 from our Christmas tree...
(and broke three balls!)


Monday, December 12, 2016

12 Days Before Christmas...



13 12 Days Before Christmas,
I looked near and far--
and finally found Elf 
 in the Biscuit Jar...

Sunday, December 11, 2016

13 Days Before Christmas...



14 13 Days Before Christmas,
I couldn't believe my eyes--
Elf gave Barbie a Big Surprise.
Well...not so big.
The Little Pervert.

 Not quite kid friendly, but definitely a bit of adult humor!:



Saturday, December 10, 2016

14 Days Before Christmas...



Tis a fortnight before Christmas...
 Siobhan and myself
and all our critters are sleeping--
but not our Shelf Elf..."

http://getyourprettyon.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/elf-on-the-shelf-daily-ideas.jpg

Friday, December 9, 2016

15 Days Before Christmas...


16 15 days before Christmas,
 my heart in my throat,
I found Elf bathing
in our best gravy boat...

Thursday, December 8, 2016

17 Days Before Christmas...



18 17 days before Christmas,
I vacuumed and dusted--
while I was mopping,
Elf and Barbie got busted.
Bummer...

Run-ins with the law were frequent occurences.

18 Days Before Christmas...



19 18 Days Before Christmas,
 my hair is turning gray--
Elf is celebrating
"Yo, Devil" day...

 At first glance he may look like your average elf: probably from a small town, nice parents, good education.

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

19 Days Before Christmas...



20 19 Days Before Christmas,
and just my luck--
Elf is chasing the dog
with a mini Beer Truck...
(That tiny horn really grates on my nerves.)

elf on a shelf

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

20 Days Before Christmas...



21  20 Days Before Christmas,
and bless my soul--
I found Elf fishing
in the toilet bowl!

Elf on a shelf fishing in the toilet:


Monday, December 5, 2016

The Chronicles Of Just2Gypsies And The Shelf Elf 2016


On December 1st,  I thought to myself--
"Soon we'll be hearing
from that lunatic Elf..."
But 24 Days Before Christmas,
he was still on the shelf!




23 Days Before Christmas,
and I hear a shout--
Siobhan just found Elf
in the pantry, working out...






22 Days Before Christmas,
Liam says in surprise--
"Why is ol' Elf
trying to exercise?"




The answer to That
left me full of woe--
 Elf was planning Trouble,
and we had 21 days to go...







20 Days before Christmas,
I thought, with elation--
This year Elf must be
taking a Vacation!
 
 


BUT THEN....





20 Days Before Christmas,
I cried "Oh No!"--
I caught Elf pooping
on my cookie dough.

 Picture


WHAT NEXT?!












Tuesday, February 16, 2016

A Gypsy's Advice: " So--You'e Ready To Build Your Own Gypsy Wagon..."

                                                                
                                             

                                                                     

So--you're ready to build your own gypsy wagon...Before you begin, maybe you would like a few helpful hints from someone who has Been There...


1.  NEVER EVER  put all your weight on a hammer handle to remove a bent nail if you're standing atop a ladder. (You will find yourself flying through the air until the ground rises up to meet you.)

2.  The ground gets harder as we get older.

3.  NEVER step out the wagon door onto a step stool (or upside-down milk crate) in the rain.

4.  SEE #2.

5.  Contrary to popular belief,  milk paint WILL keep for several days-- especially if stored in a recycled margarine tub.  (I use I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER).

6.  If you are attempting to fasten one board on top of another with a screw gun or impact drill, always put the center screw in first.  NEVER put the screw in either side first.  (The direction the drill is turning will swing the board around like a helicopter propeller and clock you in the head.  Or knee.  Or stomach.)  You get the picture.

7.  **Please note: Traditional gypsy ledge wagons are 4" wider at the top than at the bottom, which gives them a lovely--and easily recognizable--shape.  That being said...If you build your wagon walls in sections like Siobhan and I did, be sure to use temporary rafters for bracing the side walls together until your bowed rafters (or clerestory roof) are in place.  Otherwise, weight and gravity will cause the walls to lean out considerably more than 4".  Like most things, this is easier to fix beforehand than after-the-fact!  

 8.  If you  choose to build a clerestory roof, (as we did originally!), BE SURE to consider the combined weight of ALL the building materials before you begin.  Not just the wood framework and roofing--EVERYTHING.  All transom windows, brass awning hinges, brass handles and latches, wood framework, wood siding panels, plywood underlayment, tar paper, metal roofing, roofing screws.  Everything.  Blindly guess at an estimate, and you may end up like we did--with a perfectly lovely clerestory roof that is too heavy for your walls to hold up.  When you get through throwing tools and cursing, you will first need to re-design, tear apart and salvage what you can--and then you can re-build.  THAT'S WHEN THE FUN REALLY BEGINS...

9.  Take your time.   Work on your wagon only when you WANT to--never feel like you HAVE to. Resist the urge--Don't set a deadline...Unforeseen circumstances will inevitably pop up and delay construction.  Don't stress over it.  Above all, take pleasure in your work.  Enjoy the weight of a well-worn hammer in your hand; find joy in the smell of fresh sawn wood...

10. kushti bak! (Good Luck!)