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"Tis a fortnight before Christmas...
Siobhan and myself
and all our critters are sleeping--
but not our Shelf Elf..."
Thirteen days before Christmas,
my heart in my throat,
I found Elf bathing
in our best gravy boat...
Twelve days before Christmas,
I looked near and far--
and finally found Elf
in the Biscuit Jar...
Eleven days before Christmas,
by one hand and one knee
that crazy Elf dangled
from our Christmas tree...
(and broke three balls!)
Ten days before Christmas,
you'll never guess!
We caught Elf looking
up a fox's dress...
(the little pervert!)
Nine days before Christmas,
our patience wears thin--
Elf gave us moustaches
with a permanent pen...
Eight days before Christmas--
not sooner or later--
Elf rolled our house
with toilet paper...
Seven days before Christmas,
in horror and dread,
we found Elf smoking
in in his tissue box bed...
Six days before Christmas,
just for fun,
Elf shot out our Christmas lights
with the Nut Cracker's gun...
Five days before Christmas,
I feel a little Stress...
Why is Elf wearing
Barbie's favorite dress?
Four days before Christmas,
I seriously need a beer--
we found Elf swinging
from a chandelier...
Three days until Christmas,
great--another chore!
Cleaning Elf's snow angels
off the kitchen floor...
Two days before Christmas,
pretty as you please...
Elf dropped his knickers
below his knobby knees!
One day before Christmas,
and what do you think?
We found Elf drunk
by the kitchen sink...
Christmas Day at last !
Good tidings of great cheer...
That rotten Elf can vanish
for another whole year...
Hallelujah!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
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