People say married couples know each other so well that one can finish the other's sentences. Sadly, that statement does not apply to Liam and me. We have been married 24 years, and we rarely know what the other is even talking about. Our conversations are more like the Three Stooges' "Who's On First?". A recent example comes to mind...
Liam: Owl flew right over my head as I come outta the shop a while ago.
Me: Al who?
Liam: Owl.
Me: Al who?
(Siobhan, collapsing on the floor: ha! ha! ha! ha!)
Liam: OWL.
Me: AL WHO??
(Siobhan, rolling on the floor: HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!)
Liam: Owwwwwwwwwwwwl.
Me: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal who?!?
(Siobhan, hysterical on the floor: HA! HA! HA! HA! HEE! HEE!)
Liam: Grainne. O-w-l.
Me: oh. Why didn't you say so?!
Yep. That conversation really took place. Although in my defense, there IS a private landing strip on a neighboring farm, and low-flying planes are pretty common around here...But sadly, none are piloted by Al.
Laugh all you want, friends. Liam is no better. Earlier today, he was watching as I finished framing a stained glass window...Suddenly he asked "Which side is the front, and which side is the back?" I looked at him in surprise and answered "It's a window--there is no 'front' and 'back' This side you're looking at faces the inside, if that's what you mean."
Liam solemnly studied my beautiful window, and said "But which side is the front?" With a sigh I said "There IS NO 'front'. Only an 'inside' and an 'outside'."
With a frown on his face, Liam said "Well...WHICH side is the back, then?" In exasperation I replied "It depends on where you're standing--IN the house or OUT of the house!" And being the smart-ass that I am, I left the room before he could ask again...
See what I mean? WHO'S ON FIRST?!
By now, it's pretty obvious that Liam and I are on different wave-lengths most of the time. The fact that we grew up in different states, speaking different dialects, further adds to our communication problems. Liam grew up in West-by-God-Virginia, which is like a totally different country to Siobhan and me. They grow different vegetables, cook different meats. We're pretty sure they speak a different language, as well...
I remember one morning in particular, when poor Liam had overslept. He was trying desperately to make it to work on time...Our conversation went like this:
Liam (panicking): "Grainne! Where are my paints? "
Me: "What kind of paints?"
Liam: "My WORK PAINTS !"
I had no idea he used paints at work--go figure. Inspired, I gazed into the cabinet that held the only paints in the house-- my craft paints. I called to Liam...
Me: What color paints do you need?"
Liam: "For God's sake, Grainne! I need BROWN!!!"
As I rushed into the bedroom with three bottles of brown paint, a muttering Liam emerged from the closet--with a pair of BROWN WORK PANTS over his arm. Boy, was my face red.
Recently Siobhan and I were watching a British comedy (on dvd) and laughing hysterically. Liam glanced at the screen as he walked by, and said "I don't know how you can watch that--I can't understand a word they're saying." We were astounded. They were speaking English.
Liam and I rarely think alike, either. I don't know if that is an actual problem, though. For the most part, it makes life more interesting...
Recently Liam looked out our window and announced that an possum had just run into our barn. (Any horse owner will tell you--a possum anywhere near a barn is bad news; the cute little creatures often carry a bacteria that is fatal to horses...)
So-- we all sprang into action. Siobhan grabbed a fireplace poker and ran out the door. I grabbed the fireplace tongs and followed closely on her heels. Halfway to the barn, I looked over my shoulder and saw Liam running after us--waving a gun. We all ended up in the barn aisle just in time to see the possum waddle out the back door and head for the woods.
I looked at my Possum Posse, my fellow possum fighters-- out of breath and panting,still armed with our assorted weapons, and I had to laugh. Gasping, I croaked "What were we going to do if we caught that poor possum? Siobhan would poke him, I would turn him over, and Liam would shoot him? Was that really our plan?! "
Of course, we all had a good laugh then...When we finally quieted down, Siobhan said "Better yet, what do you suppose the neighbors think about us now? They don't know about the possum--they just saw Liam chasing us across the yard with a GUN."
You can imagine the gales of laughter followed that little observation. And since we all enjoyed the possum caper so much, we decided to make it a yearly event--The Annual Brennan Family Gun, Tongs, And Poker Race. Possum optional.
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